Movies

(2019) Has an imposter drummer infiltrated LESION? Find out in this long-awaited sequel to LESION's 2002 classic GROUPIE.FUCK.FACE. Includes an animated interlude featuring vampire Mister Mofungo! Special guests: Joe Lazenby as Musho, Joe Porletto as Burt Tinkle, and Kirsten Ulve as The Universe. Click here to watch.

(2018) LESION is offered a billion dollars to play a reunion show. Can Dr. Hurtz get the band back together one last time to rock the ass off New York City? Special guests: Joe Porletto as Burt Tinkle, Paris Mancini as Fatima, and Mark Mullaney as eccentic businessman Neville Nimnam. Click here to watch.

(2012) LESION travels to remote Vermont, where Art meets an extremely demanding and fussy ghost. starring American Art and Piss Promise. GUEST STARS: Adam Hurwitz and Joe Porletto.

(2010) A Lesion fan's face is disfigured with acid. Can a baboon's rump skin graft save his dignity? Find out in this chilling Lesion Halloween yarn starring Piss Promise and Dr. Hurtz. Features a very special appearance by Mr. pod! GUEST STARS: Adam Hurwitz, Cassie J. Sneider and Paris Mancini. Click here to watch.

(2009) Piss and Gustave pull some Halloween "mischief" on the rest of the band after discovering a black market app on the Doctor's iPhone. The bloodiest movie in LESION history! GUEST STARS: Adam Hurwitz and Joe Porletto. Click here to watch.

(2008) After patronizing a magical glory hole, Piss switches personalities with his evil parallel-universe twin. Meanwhile, Dr. Hurtz has (another) mid-life crisis, American Art takes dance lessons and Venison "drops" his long-awaited hip-hop record. In a word: epic. GUEST STARS: Toni DeBuono, Christina Ewald, Kevin Roberts and Joe Vincent. Click here to watch.

(2007) Ben Franklin's "crazy Halloween voodoo" zaps colonial bass impresario American Art 230 years into the future, just in time for LESION to rock the ass off Halloween. WARNING: This film contains fops. GUEST STARS: Bruno Blumenfeld, Jacob Henderson, Adam Hurwitz, and Mick Stingley.Click here to watch.

(2006) Lesion has "quite a day" after Venison is accused of being a terrorist, Mr. Pod joins an internet dating service, Dr. Hurtz declares himself an alcoholic, and Piss Promise is forced to live in a storage locker. Featuring appearances by Enrico Caruso, Robert Oppenheimer, and Evel Knievel! Click here to watch.

(2006) Middle (possibly best?) installment of the epic LESION mini-masterpiece. Click here to watch.

(2006) Conclusion of the Lesion movie that made all other Lesion movies feel tiny. Click here to watch.

(2005) "Shout ZOMBIE-PUSS at the top of your lungs!" Piss Promise's "chemically-infused" blood reanimates a dead groupie. Now she's walking the earth, doing the things all teens do: getting autographs and gorging on human flesh! GUEST STAR: Meredith Mitten Andrews.

(2004) Finally, a Halloween movie about vampires. When LESION's tour van breaks down in the backwoods, the band is forced to spend a night at the home of blood-sucking antiques-dealer Mister Mofungo.
GUEST STARS: Joe Porletto, Kate Wallander, and Kate Dwyer. Click here to watch the movie. Click here to watch deleted scenes.

(2004) Skinny-dipping Mr. Pod drowns at the beach, then watches his life flash before his eyes. Film features bare ass not suitable for children (or seniors, or the squeamish). GUEST STAR: comedian Judy Gold as Mr. Pod's mother.

(2004) Dr. Hurtz's inflated ego deep-sixes his opportunity to become the spokesperson for a new lifestyle cologne. GUEST STARS: Jim Wisniewski and Greg Jackson.

(2004) Emperor Fussicus (Dr. Hurtz) seeks help with his impotence problem from Rome's greatest lover, Marcus Podicus (Mr. Pod) in this romping widescreen fifth century sex-epic. GUEST STAR: Julia Rogers as Empress Grusilla. Click here to watch.

(2004) In a desperate ploy to sell CDs, Venison is tricked by the rest of the band into having a sex-change operation in this bittersweet hats-off to gender-ambiguity. GUEST STAR: Lenny Williams as Lady Venison.

(2004) Piss smokes the world's most powerful weed, then hears the voice of God commanding him to turn LESION into a Christian rock band. Features music video for He is The Rock by German church-rockers LESSON. GUEST STAR: Zoe Schneider as Moonjava.

(2002) Dim-witted super-patriot George W. Bush reluctantly gives Mrs. Santa Claus the go-ahead to have Santa lobotomized. Now it's up to LESION to perform the operation, save Christmas, and rock the yuletide. GUEST STARS: Julia Rogers and Jim Wisniewski. Click here to watch.

(2002) Mr. Pod finally ties the knot, only to discover that marriage is a deadly bore. GUEST STARS: Diana Henry as Cheryl and Owen Comaskey as Richard Balty. Click here to watch.

(2002) After overdosing on anti-depressants, Venison goes on a terrifying, hallucinogenic "freak-out." GUEST STAR: Adam Hurwitz as Dr. Shove. Click here to watch.

(2002) When The Antiques Road Show tells Piss that Napoleon's penis will make him invincible, he decides to smoke it. Then he dies. Will the Angel of Death cut a deal to let him live again? GUEST STARS: Tom Cardamone as Death and Zoe Schneider as Fatima. Click here to watch.

(2002) Dr. Hurtz overdoes it at karaoke and loses his voice. Then he loses his job. GUEST STARS: Jim Wisniewski as Fred, David Hollander as Dr. Grip and Pete Kress as Lord Coca Log. Click here to watch.

(2002) Flaccid record sales force Dr. Hurtz to get a facelift. Meanwhile, Piss is kidnapped and tortured by an obsessive groupie. This film took home awards for Best Narrative Under 30 Minutes and Best Screenplay at the 2002 Arlene Grocery Picture Show. GUEST STAR: Joe Lazenby as Musho. Click here to watch.

(2001) Piss Promise wins Guitarist of the Year Award, only to be shot in the stomach by a band mate. Will he ever be well enough to rock again? Don't look for the answer in this movie, you won't find it. GUEST STAR: Cristina Pronzati as evil Nurse Uta.

(1999) Piss Promise and Mister Pod become increasingly exasperated with the declining quality of sex workers and embark on a journey to find the greatest prostitute in the world. Click here to watch.