LESION - The Future of Rock

STIFFIES! (remastered)

(2007) Ben Franklin's "crazy Halloween voodoo" zaps colonial-era bass impresario American Art 230 years into the future, (just in time for LESION to rock the ass off Halloween). WARNING: This film contains fops. GUEST STARS: Jacob Henderson, Adam Hurwitz, Mick Stingley, and Joe Porletto as Burt Tinkle. Unavailable for more than a decade, this new "director's cut," remastered by Dr. Hurtz, features improved audio and video, as well as never-before-seen footage!

GROUPIE.FUCK.FACE. (Remastered)

(2002) Piss is kidnapped and tortured by an obsessive groupie. Meanwhile, flaccid record sales force lead singer Dr. Hurtz to get a facelift. This classic LESION movie took home awards for Best Narrative Under 30 Minutes and Best Screenplay at the 2002 Arlene Grocery Picture Show. With special guest star Joe Lazenby as Musho. This new digital remaster by director Dr. Gustave Hurtz features improved video and superior sound quality.

MONKEY RUMP!

(2010) A LESION fan is hideously disfigured after acid is splashed on his face by a crazy person, and the only available donor tissue is from a baboon's dead, red ass. Will a skin graft save his dignity or ruin his life forever? Find out in this chilling LESION Halloween yarn starring Piss Promise and Dr. Hurtz, with guest stars Adam Hurwitz (as Burt Bacharach), Cassie J. Sneider (as Carole Bayer Sager), Paris Mancini (as the crazy acid lady), along with a very special appearance by Mister Pod!

Shush, Shush Sweet Schatzi (2024 Remaster)

(2004) Piss Promise smokes the world's most powerful weed, then hears the voice of God commanding him to turn LESION into a Christian rock band. Features the music video for "He is The Rock" by German church-rockers LESSON. GUEST STAR: Zoe Schneider as Moonjava.

This new director's cut remastered by Dr. Hurtz, features improved audio and video, as well as never-before-seen footage!

THE POD KNOT remastered

(2002) Mr. Pod finally ties the knot, only to discover that marriage is a deadly bore. GUEST STARS: Diana Henry as Cheryl, George Hahn as Satan, and Owen Comaskey as Richard Balty. Movie 1 of 4 from THE LESION LIFESTYLE EXPERIENCE, fully remastered by Dr. Gustave Hurtz.

RARE TONGUE remastered

(2002) After overdosing on anti-depressants, Venison goes on a terrifying, hallucinogenic "freak-out." GUEST STAR: Adam Hurwitz as Dr. Shove. Movie 2 of 4 from THE LESION LIFESTYLE EXPERIENCE, fully remastered by Dr. Gustave Hurtz.

DEATH TAKES A PISS

(2002) When an antiquities appraiser tells Piss that Napoleon's penis will make him invincible, he decides to smoke it. Then he dies. Will the Angel of Death cut a deal to let him live again? GUEST STARS: Tom Cardamone as Death and Zoe Schneider as Fatima. Movie 3 of 4 from THE LESION LIFESTYLE EXPERIENCE, fully remastered by Dr. Gustave Hurtz.

BROKEN KARAOKE

(2002) Dr. Hurtz overdoes it at karaoke and loses his voice. Then he loses his job. GUEST STARS: Jim Wisniewski as Fred, David Hollander as Dr. Grip and Pete Kress as Lord Coca Log. Movie 4 of 4 from THE LESION LIFESTYLE EXPERIENCE, fully remastered by Dr. Gustave Hurtz.

BURNOUTS!

(2018) The first LESION movie in 6 years is finally here! When LESION is offered a billion dollars to play a reunion show, Dr. Hurtz travels the globe to get the band back together one last time, and rock the ass off New York City. Special guests: Joe Porletto as Burt Tinkle, Paris Mancini as Fatima, and Mark Mullaney as eccentic businessman Neville Nimnam.

For the first time ever, Acts 1, 2, and 3 of THE ONE INCH PUNCH are available!

(2006) "The Greatest LESION Movie in The History of LESION Movies" is finally available. Featuring dazzling NYC locations and a cast of dozens, The One Inch Punch is the band's most epic movie to date.

A HORSE CALLED CLUSTERFUDGE

(2019) Has an imposter drummer infiltrated LESION? Find out in this new short film by Dr. Gustave Hurtz, the long-awaited sequel to LESION's 2002 classic GROUPIE.FUCK.FACE. Includes an animated interlude featuring vampire Mister Mofungo! Special guests: Joe Lazenby as Musho, Joe Porletto as Burt Tinkle, and Kirsten Ulve as The Universe.

THE SUCKING

(2004) Finally, a Halloween movie about vampires. When LESION's tour van breaks down in the backwoods, the band is forced to spend a night at the home of blood-sucking antiques-dealer Mister Mofungo.
GUEST STARS: Joe Porletto, Kate Wallander, and Kate Dwyer.

Glory! Glory Hole-alujah!

(2008) After patronizing a magical glory hole, Piss switches personalities with his evil parallel-universe twin. Meanwhile, Dr. Hurtz has (another) mid-life crisis, American Art takes dance lessons and Venison "drops" his long-awaited hip-hop record. In a word: epic. GUEST STARS: Toni DeBuono, Christina Ewald, Kevin Roberts and Joe Vincent.

THE ANTI-SANTA

(2002) Dim-witted super-patriot George W. Bush reluctantly gives Mrs. Santa Claus the go-ahead to have Santa lobotomized. Now it's up to LESION to perform the operation, save Christmas, and rock the yuletide. GUEST STARS: Julia Rogers and Jim Wisniewski.

I TOUCH DEATH

(2009) Piss and Gustave pull some Halloween "mischief" on the rest of the band after discovering a black market app on the Doctor's iPhone. The bloodiest movie in LESION history! GUEST STARS: Adam Hurwitz and Joe Porletto.

THE LESION LIFESTYLE EXPERIENCE 20th anniversary!

Celebrate the 20th anniversary of this epic 4-night NYC residency with remastered editions of the movies and rare live footage from the gigs.

PREVIOUSLY ON LESION

Take a whirlwind tour through the first 24 LESION movies! Originally presented before the premiere of A HORSE CALLED CLUSTERFUDGE to celebrate 20 years of LESION short films, this mini-retrospective spans 19 years (1999-2018) and 2 bass players!

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